[Yeah, right, silly question...]

I agree with you about the tattoo theory, I’ve always thought the same thing too. Tattoos usually ruin and detract from a woman’s true splendour – namely, a continuous flow of perfect, soft, smooth, unblemished flesh. I don’t have any tattoos - never wanted one, never will - but I know deep down you already know this, admit it. Ha! I also think navel piercings rate highly on Thee Olde Slutometer too.

That little ‘crying’ scene was DEFINITELY a premeditated attention seeking ploy, if ever I’ve heard one! Bloody hell, I actually felt sorrier for YOU! My theory is that she probably got so much attention when her father died and – dare I say it – a sympathy fuck – that this is probably the only reason she’s carrying around that ‘wrinkled newspaper article detailing the horror’ in the first place. Sadly, it’s also probably the only way she can garner any esteem. Well, that and being a Hooters Girl *coughs*! Honest to god, you really should have told her to get some grief counselling or, at the very least, to get that thing laminated!

‘Dumb enough to accept a smallpox blanket and a bottle of booze for 50,000 acres dumb? Hard to tell.’ – phahahaha - best line in there! Although ‘…continuous bars in contiguous states…’ was also quite impressive.