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A roman walks into a cafe holds up 2 fingers and gets 5 coffees.
Never confide in a vacuum cleaner. They're always collecting dirt
Why does snoop Dogg use an umbrella? Fo-Drizzle.
What do you call a nose with no body? No body nose
Why should you never play poker at the zoo? Too many cheetahs
Have you heard the joke about yoga. Nevermind it's a bit of a stretch.
My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo.
President Lincoln was approached by a woman after a political speech… If you were my husband I would poison your tea. Lincoln replied...if you are my wife I'll gladly drink it.
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
Q: What time is it when the clock strikes 13? A: Time to get a new clock.
What do you call a guy who's really loud? Mike.
3 unwritten rules of life . 1) 2) 3)
Q: What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? A: Thunderwear.
Yo momma so dumb, she tried to surf the microwave
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life? Her: Awww... Yes!!! Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me
Teacher: How much is a gram? Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need
Why are frogs always so happy? They eat whatever bugs them
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
I went down the street to a 24-hour grocery store. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey! The sign says you're open 24 hours.' He Said, 'Yes, but not in a row!'
Yo momma is so ugly she made my happy meal cry
I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
Boy: The principal is so dumb! Girl: Do you know who I am? Boy: No... Girl: I am the principals daughter! Boy: Do you know who I am? Girl: No... Boy: Good! *Walks away*
A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners The lady says, 'Come Again!' The blonde says, 'No, its toothpaste this time.'