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A blonde picks up a grenade and throws it at you, what do you do?.... You pick it back up, pull the key and throw it back. :)
So a blind man accidentally walks into a womens bar and says to the girl bartender, 'You wanna hear a blonde joke?' and the bartender says, 'Well, sir the lady next to you is a blonde weightlifter, the two waitresses are both blonde and in a girls wrestling team, the other bartender is blonde as well as me, we are both bodybuilders. Now, sir are you sure you wanna tell that joke still?' And the man says, 'No. Not if Im gonna have to explain it five times.'
I told my blonde friend this joke: There were 3 blondes walking on a track: 1 said they were goat tracks, the other one said they were horse tracks, the third one said they were cow tracks. Then they got hit by a train. My friend asked, 'So what tracks were they?'
A Guy urgently needed a few days off work, But, he knew the Boss would not allow him to leave. he thought that maybe if he acted 'Crazy' Then he would tell him to take a few days off. So, he hung upside-down on the ceiling & Made funny noises. His co-worker (whos blonde)! asked him what he was doing. He told her that he was pretending to be a light bulb, So, that the Boss might think he was 'Crazy' & give him a few days off. A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked, 'What are you doing?' He told him he was a light bulb. He said, 'You are clearly stressed out.' Go home & recuperate for a couple of days.' He jumped down & walked out of the office... When his co-worker (the blonde) followed him, The Boss asked her '...And where do you think youre going?!' She said, 'Im going home too, I cant work in the dark!!
A man is sitting in a cafe. A blonde waitress approaches and asks for his order. “I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream,' he says. The blonde waitress replies, “I'm sorry, sir, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?”
A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap. He's telling a dumb blonde joke when a young platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet. “What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands. “What does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?” Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer out an apology. “You keep out of this!” she yells. “I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!”
Q: Why dont blondes get coffee breaks? A: It takes too long to retrain them.
A blonde is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says, 'Six Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.' The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing, 'Thats horrible!' Confused, he replies, 'Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and there is always that risk involved.' After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, 'How many is a Brazilian?'
Q: How can you get a blonde to laugh on Saturday?<br>A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.
A blonde goes into a computer store and asks the clerk, “Where do you keep the curtains for computers?” The clerk answers with a puzzled face, “Curtains for computers? You don't need curtains for computers.” The blonde's eyes widen and she shakes her head as she answers, “Hello!?? My computer has Windows!!”
Q: How can you tell if a blonde used a computer? A: Theres Wite-Out all over the screen.
One day a blonde went into the library and asked the librarian, 'Can I have a burger and fries?' The librarian replied, 'This is the library.' Then blonde whispered, 'Oh. Can I have a burger and fries?'
A blonde, brunette, and redhead are all on a building about to jump off. They all jump at the same time. Which one landed last? The blonde because she asked for directions.
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you.'
How do you kill a blonde? Put a scratch-and-sniff at the bottom of a pool.
How come it takes so long to build a blonde snowman? Because you have to hollow out the head.
How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a circle and tell her to go to the corner.
Why did the blonde put her iPad in a blender? Because she wanted to make apple juice.
What do you call a blonde with a brain? A golden retriever.
Why did the blonde like lightening? She thought someone was taking a picture of her.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, 'Awwww, I wish my friends were here.'
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
How do you get a one handed blonde down from a tree? Wave at her.
Q: Why cant a blonde dial 911? A: She cant find the eleven.